1. You skip foreplay
The problem: You come home after thinking about s3x all day and try to
stick your penis in her right away. She, on the other hand, has not been
thinking about s3x. She’s been thinking about work, that squabble with
her best friend, and what she’s making for dinner. She’s not warmed up,
therefore she’s not going to enjoy it.
Fix it: “Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay—I can’t say it enough!” Morse
says. You may be ready to go the second you get home, but you have to
remember, s3x is mostly mental for women. They have to be warmed up,
physically and mentally. “Most women not only enjoy foreplay, but we
need it in order to get aroused before actual intercourse,” Morse says.
Foreplay can even start hours before you’re through the door. Send her a
text about how much you can’t wait to see her or how beautiful she
looked this morning. Then when you get home kiss and caress her before
you start taking her clothes off. Foreplay isn’t a suggestion; it’s a
requirement for most women.
2. You don’t go down on her
The problem: You’re so excited about having sex or you’re not thinking
about her needs, so you weakly lick her clitoris a few times or skip
over going down on her altogether. You move straight into intercourse
and, similarly to skipping foreplay, she’s not warmed up and therefore
doesn’t enjoy sex as much as you do.
Fix it: “Go down on her like you mean it! I mean, really mean it,” Morse
says. “If you really want her to enjoy sex, then you need to enjoy
performing oral sex on her. Just like nothing is sexier than a woman who
enjoys giving a blow job, nothing is sexier than a man who enjoys
giving oral pleasure.” Only about 25 to 30% of women orgasm through
intercourse, and most of these women need (and likely want) clitoral
stimulation in addition to intercourse.
3. You don’t touch her after s3x
The problem: You roll over after s3x and tell her, “Sorry, babe, it’s
just too hot,” then keep a foot of distance between you and her. Maybe
you chat with her for a bit before falling asleep. Either way, you’re
not up for cuddling. Or, maybe you are, but you’ve got a 60-second timer
counting down in your head and never touch her for longer than that.
She’s noticeably annoyed, or at this point you’ve both gotten used to
the fact that you just don’t really touch after s3x.
Fix it: If you’re not someone who likes to touch after s3x, start off
small and make some kind of physical contact a normal part of your
after-s3x routine. Scratch her back for a little while and lay a little
closer than normal. Once you’ve scratched her back for a while, move on
to a closer touch. Cuddling after s3x will bring the two of you closer
together. The most successful relationships have ties to after-s3x
cuddling, according to new research out of the University of
Toronto—Mississauga. “The way you approach your partner after s3x is
really important to how you approach your relationship in general,”
Morse says.
4. You’re afraid of doing something wrong, so you don’t try anything new
The problem: You’re stuck in your head during s3x. You’ve thought about
trying a new position you read or heard about, but you’re afraid you
won’t be able to execute the move correctly or you might lose your
erection. Missionary and doggy style are tried and true, so you stick
with those two, and you have the same sex over and over again.
Fix it: Set aside your fears and replace them with passion. “S3x is
awkward, you’re getting naked with another person and putting yourself
in the most intimate setting possible,” Morse says. There will be
embarrassing moments and there will be things that go wrong, but making
mistakes is better than not doing anything at all. “Allow the passion of
what you are experiencing to take over the fear of doing something
wrong,” she says. “I guarantee your partner will find your passionate
mistakes much sexier than your flat routine.”
5. You’re basing her pleasure on your performance
The problem: You want her to orgasm in order to satisfy your own
ego—because sex is about you feeling satisfied with your own
performance. As a result, she feels pressured to have an orgasm, which
could lead her to fake it from time to time. This results in s3x that is
no longer pleasurable for her, and is detrimental to your partnership
in general, Morse says.
Fix it: If you’re too busy thinking about your own performance, you
won’t think to ask your partner what she actually wants, and you won’t
be able to learn how to actually make her orgasm. “A confident man will
ask for direction and will learn what his partner wants,” Morse says.
6. You haven’t asked her what she likes
The problem: You approach every woman as if there is a formula, assuming
all woman can orgasm the same way, and there is a simple trick to make
that happen. You don’t bother to ask a woman what she likes or how she
wants to be touched once the two of you step inside the bedroom.
Fix it: “Every woman is different, so you should approach every woman
differently,” Morse says. Once you’re getting to the point of intimacy
with a woman, it’s time to ask her what she likes. She may be making
noises to let you know she likes something you’re doing, but there could
be something she really wants you to do that she would tell you about
if you just asked. “A woman is not a secret combination box in which you
have to figure out the code, simply ask her and she’ll gladly let you
know what she likes,” Morse says.
7. She hasn’t made a peep
The problem: When a woman is into it, she will say something, anything!
Yes, there are women who aren’t loud in bed, but consistent silence
indicates that she isn’t enjoying herself and possibly doesn’t think
it’s worth it to speak up. “Silence after the fact can be another sign
that she didn’t enjoy herself,” Morse says. If you’re lying there
panting, telling her how incredible that was, and she’s got nothing to
say, she wasn’t that into it.
The fix: Before things heat up, let her know that it really turns you on
when she tells you what she likes, and what she wants. Afterward, skip
the “Was it good for you?” and start the conversation by telling her
which parts you really enjoyed. Then ask her if there was anything she
especially liked, anything she would want more of or what she would like
you to do differently.
8. She’s overacting
The problem: “If you’ve barely even touched her and she’s carrying on
like a porn star, chances are she’s acting out more pleasure than she’s
actually feeling,” Morse says. Reports show that roughly 80% of women
admit to making sex sounds and moans, whether they are actually going to
climax or not. They’re doing this partially to enhance their partner’s
experience, but also because they’re insecure about not being able to
orgasm. “Either way, you should be the reason she is making sounds—and
when the sounds and the movements don’t match up, something is off,”
Morse says.
The fix: Let her know that it really makes you hot hearing that she is
enjoying herself, but that you would like to know what specific things
feel best for her.
9. You’re not addressing the obvious
The problem: You have some penis problems in the bedroom, but you never address them.
The fix: Talk to her about it. It’s already the elephant in the room and
she notices that you’re not staying hard for long, experiencing
premature ejaculation, or you just can’t ejaculate at all (delayed
ejaculation). “Women are not as worried about this issue as you are,
that is, until you completely ignore it, or worse, just let it happen
and then roll over and fall asleep without giving a second thought to
pleasing her,” Morse says. Let her know that this happens to you
sometimes, and it doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to her or you’re
unaware there is an issue. Tell her you’re working on it. You can even
bring her into the solution: You need to slow down sometimes in the
middle of intercourse, you’re working on strengthening your stamina, and
you’d love her to be patient with you while you still do everything in
your power to please her.
10. She told you she doesn’t orgasm EVERY time, so you don’t pleasure her once you’ve climaxed
The problem: You make the assumption that because you came, she came, too. Or you really don’t give much thought to it at all.
The fix: Rule of thumb: she comes first. Make sure that she is always
pleased before you are. That way you can still have your happy ending
knowing that she had her needs met as well. “Many men assume that just
because they were satisfied, and she didn’t say anything afterwards, you
had the green light to roll over and go to sleep,” Morse says. “If
you’re not sure if she had an orgasm, she probably didn’t. And if you’ve
never given any thought to her orgasm at all, you’ve got bigger
problems.” Just because you asked her once or twice if she was satisfied
and she says something like, “No worries, I’m fine,” or she mentioned
she doesn’t orgasm every time, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t incredibly
turned on by you and still wants an orgasm, even if she didn’t
experience it through intercourse.
Make sure that even if you’ve already released, you muster up the
strength to please her whether it’s with your fingers, mouth, or a sex
toy. She’ll know that her satisfaction is important to you, and will
feel more relaxed during intercourse knowing that if she doesn’t climax
before you do, she’ll still have fun with you afterwards.
No comments:
Post a Comment